Infertility can be a sensitive and emotionally painful subject, but it doesn’t have to be experienced anonymously and alone. If you know someone close to you who is dealing with it, it’s important that they know they have your support and understanding. Here are some tips.
• Listen actively and show empathy. Allow them to talk about their feelings, concerns, and fears without judging them or minimizing their emotions. Having someone they trust to share their feelings with can be a huge relief. Try to be there for them, supporting and understanding.
• Offer practical help. Women or couples who are having fertility problems or undergoing treatment can often feel overwhelmed by the number of appointments, tests or procedures they have to deal with. Offer to help with practical matters: running errands, accompanying someone to appointments, etc.
• Respeta su privacidad. La infertilidad es un tema muy personal y muchas personas prefieren mantener su situación en privado. Asegúrate de respetarlo y no divulgues información sobre ello sin su consentimiento. Además, si no quieren compartir algún evento o celebración, compréndelo y no ejerzas presión.
• Evita comentarios inapropiados. Pueden llegar a herir o incomodar. No hagas preguntas sobre su vida sexual o sus planes de tener hijos. Y no intentes restar importanciacon comentarios como «¡Al menos no tenéis hijos todavía!».
• Don’t transfer other people’s experiences. We tend to give advice based on stories we know («I know a couple who, when they stopped looking, found it.»). The only thing we achieve with this is increasing stress and hurting by comparison.
• Acknowledge their efforts without being pushy. Encouragement is very welcome, but try not to get too deep or involved if you are not given the opportunity to do so.
• Avoid sensitive topics.This is not the time to comment on other people’s pregnancies, abortions, births, etc. Everything related to motherhood can generate negative and frustrating emotions.
• Offer plans. It’s a good time to suggest ideas for leisure, outings or entertainment. Going to dinner at a restaurant, the cinema or even a cultural visit can serve as a way to get away and recharge your batteries. However, if he or she rejects these plans, don’t take it personally and don’t look for excuses. It may simply not be the right time or he or she has an obligation.
In short, just a little empathy and effort can go a long way in easing the emotional burden of that person or close partner and making them feel less isolated and misunderstood. They will be grateful and you may even help them achieve their goal.